Erica Rivera

My definition of consent

I, Erica Rivera, define consent as a process through which people interacting with each other have the space, time, resources, and support necessary to be open and honest with each other about:

• our histories;

• how we are currently feeling;

• how we may feel in the future;

• how we want to address the possibilities and realities of our boundaries being crossed/violated, or of us being harmed, abused, wronged, and/or being on the receiving end of violence;

• how we want support for making time and space to share our boundaries, desires, needs, aspirations, hopes, dreams, loves, and interests;

• how we can support each other in our pursuits of these parts of ourselves;

and checking in regularly about: 

• the power we each hold;

• how one or some of us may have more power than others;

• and how that will affect our abilities to do some or all of the above;

all as part of an infrastructure of interaction that allows anyone involved to feel free to disengage at any time, for any reason, as respectfully as possible, and without being judged for this decision and knowing that they will not be badgered or pursued later about that decision. 

I fear that—because we live in a world that gives so few (if any) of us time and space and resources and support, for anything, let alone for being in healthy, consensual relationships with the people around us—consent can sometimes feel impossible. But we have to try. We have to always, always try.