Job Application

content/trigger warning: discussions of mental health, state/police violence, white supremacy, imperialism, transitioning, mass shooters, workplace harassment/abuse, transphobia, and the ethics of monetizing your trauma, reference to a teacher sexually harassing their students, use of a homophobic slur

Name Last, First:

Rivera, Erica

Preferred Name:

Erica Rivera

E-mail Address:

RiveraErica AT pm DOT me

Preferred Pronoun:

she/her

Contact Phone Number:

555-555-5555 (like in the movies)

Alternate Phone Number:

n/a

Address:

123 Anywhere Road, Anytown, USA

How long have you lived at this address?

Whole life

What languages do you speak?

English, Spanish, Spanglish

What hobbies, skills or knowledge do you bring?

My skill is I can turn anything into art; my hobby is turning everything into art; I don’t really have any knowledge, though

If you are under age 18, do you have a work permit?

n/a

Position Desired:

Any

Wage Requirements:

None (I mean, pay me something, above minimum wage obviously, but like, whatever is fine, I just cannot keep working from home or I will literally implode)

Type of Employment desired:

Full Time (30 hrs+)

Do you have any travel plans scheduled or tentatively planned for November or December?

Yes

If yes, please elaborate:

Seasonal Affective Disorder

Date available to start work:

Today

Have you ever applied here before?

No

When:

n/a

Have you worked for our company before?

If the difference between “here” in the preceding question and “our company” in this one is a series of shell corporations, then yes, I probably worked for a company that owns a company that owns a company that owns yours, or something, at some point

If yes, dates employed:

Whole life

Supervisor:

Everyone (no one?)

Are you related to anyone in our employ?

I don’t know, I don’t talk to most of my family members

Name:

Assume I’m related to everyone in your employ

Were you referred?

No

If so, by whom:

n/a

How many days of work did you miss last year, other than for an approved leave or vacation?

365

Reasons (If absences were medical, please only indicate “medical reasons” or “sick days”. Do not provide specific medical conditions.):

“Medical reasons”/“sick days”

Do you have experience working on a cash register?

Yes, but only those digital ones that look like iPads

Why would you like to work here? What are your expectations of having a job here?

I walked into your bookstore to buy any poetry book by makalani bandele or a compilation of works by Tennessee Williams and I promised myself I wouldn’t allow myself to buy anything else or spend any amount of time browsing because I only detoured and came here on a whim, and I am trying to learn to trust my whims more instead of talk myself out of them (I can talk myself out of—or into—anything, which I learned far too late is a very, very bad thing); for example, two days earlier I was driving past a library that I am pretty sure Octavia E. Butler used to frequent, and because I had checked out Customs by Solmaz Sharif—from another library that I am pretty sure Octavia E. Butler used to frequent—and because the copy of Customs had, inside it, a postcard with a collage/illustration on the front of the former library, and because I had never visited the latter library, and because I am trying to learn to trust my whims, and because I keep hoping I’ll find makalani bandele in a library (his work, I mean), I decide to stop and park and go inside. I don’t find any poetry at first except “the classics,” which I already read in high school and hate, so I loop around the library a dozen times before I realize the poetry I’m looking for is all mixed in with poetry targeted at children (Owed by Joshua Bennett, which I check out, for example, is next to a compilation of Shel Silverstein’s, which doesn’t make any Dewey Decimal sense, so I flip the latter—for many reasons—so that the binding is facing the wall and no one can tell that it’s there) and I grab a few that look interesting (South Flight by Jasmine Elizabeth Smith, which I read a single poem from that evening, and have to spend the entire rest of the night processing it, and The Animal Too Big to Kill by Shane McCrae, which has a striking, [sur/hyper]realistic cover that makes me scared to even open it, and Time is a Mother by Ocean Vuong, which I only get because I want to see what the hype is about and not because I think Ocean Vuong is particularly good or interesting, I hear him say in a YouTube video, “This was the book I had to write so I could write the rest,” and I turn the video off because I know the book he’s talking about and I’ve always felt it was tailor-made for white readers and if you want to tailor-make a book for white readers about your super sexily traumatic non-white life because you absolutely have to, then sure, write it, fine, but don’t fucking publish or promote it, I mean, c’mon) and then spot, on a shelf on my way out, A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams, which I have never read but have been thinking about because the New York Times, which I am trying to divest from completely but always fail to, runs an article on their homepage one day called “A Streetcar Undesirable,” or something foolish like that, and I don’t even read the article (I rationalize my procrastination re:total divestment by saying, well, I’ll just skim the headlines to make sure nothing horrible’s about to happen except that something horrible is about to happen—and happens—every day, many, many horrible things—today, the release of the video of Tyre Nichols being assassinated, a few days ago the mass shooting ten miles from my former workplace and the day before that the mass shooting twelve miles south of where I am, and last week, [REDACTED] murdered for [REDACTED], and the week before, [REDACTED] murdered for being alive, although, of course, the New York Times does not cover [REDACTED]’s or [REDACTED]’s deaths, maybe if there were video footage, maybe if we could watch it happen, maybe if we could have seen it coming, why are murder and assassination and police/state violence only clickable when the Times says so, but then the people who need to know about the murders of [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] already know about them, and the people who still read the New York Times are not people who need to know, not people whose knowing would benefit anyone or anything, or effect any kind of meaningful change, and maybe I am still one of these people since I have yet to fully divest from their ugly, jingoistic rag, so, you know, don’t listen to me—and the difference is that now I have to know about it and I know this not sustainable for me, or anyone, which is why I wish we would all divest from the Times, but also journalism/news, generally) but I do think about Tennessee Williams, and when I see the copy of A Streetcar Named Desire, I think, well, per-fect, now I can see what the hype about him is about, and although I am far less skeptical of Williams than I am of Vuong, I am still very skeptical of Williams because any author popular enough to be part of a canon (any canon) I am always very skeptical of, but after I start reading it later that night, I understand the hype completely (I don’t even get more than five pages in before I understand the hype completely, and immediately put him squarely at the center of my own personal—ever-evolving—canon) and then I read him interview himself, a self-interview that makes the awful, disgusting, horrifyingly homophobic self-interview I read in James Franco’s book of bullshit the week prior (in a used bookstore, desafortunadamente for Solmaz Sharif, right next to a copy of her Look, which almost makes me cry; Look does, I mean, because my entire life I thought I was crazy because I would take random bits of detritus from life and the world, in print, and use them as a jumping off point for writing that weaves through everything hidden between the lines of the original work, or works, and I have only recently found a way to turn this into something productive when I start working in the medium of poetry/found art but now I realize, no, I’m not crazy, I’m just an artist/poet, and also trans) look like a pile of literal human feces, and not in a hot, fetish-y way, and I know that I want to read everything Tennessee Williams has ever written, especially the plays that no one’s ever heard of, perhaps only the plays that no one’s ever heard of. Then I read the timeline of his life and see he was institutionalized and I feel I need to read everything he’s ever written, especially the plays that no one’s ever heard of, definitely only the plays that no one’s ever heard of. I tell myself, for the dozenth time after walking into your bookstore, I will only buy any poetry book by makalani bandele or a compilation of works by Tennessee Williams because I do not want the fact that I have some spare change to allow me to treat the world as though I have some spare change and, desafortunadamente for me, there is no makalani bandele (his work, I mean) but there is a book on radical trans poetics and I’m not even sure what that means but I know I will buy it because, earlier that week, on a whim, I had clicked on a poem I see on a social media website despite the fact that the person posting it posts “CW” but doesn't actually say what content I am being warned about so I assume it means the content warning will be on the page I am being led to except it is not and I am slapped in the face with [the T-slur, plural] as the big bold title of the poem, and I’m not mad at the writer of the poem because the poem is incredible and a reclamation (the poem shares its title with a book, kind of: the book is called “[the T-slur, plural]” and the poem is called “[the T-slur, plural] by Larry Kramer”), a skewering of a text about trans people by someone who is, according to the poem, decidedly not trans, and the poem is written by Kay Gabriel and when I search for her on DuckDuckGo I find an ArtForum piece about her top ten (top ten what, I am never told) and either I love everything I see on her list after I check it out or I have already checked it out before and loved it and I think, Jesus, this is just like when I was 18 and discovered all my favorite authors as a child were gay except now I am twice that age and discovering that all my favorite art as an adolescent/adult has been trans as fuck, whatever that means; maybe it would more accurate to say that my favorite art as an adolescent/adult has some kind of particular appeal for trans people, examples on Kay Gabriel’s list that I already know and love include Times Square Red, Times Square Blue, the book (I have been working on an exegesis of the works of Samuel R. Delany, because his work is critical for understanding the ethics of art-making, as well as Octavia E. Butler’s, because I live in the city in which much of Parable of the Sower is set, and also Antonin Artaud’s, because I think he was trans and also because he was institutionalized, and finally, a trans writer’s whose name will not be in their exegesis, because I think their work is incredibly, maybe lethally, dangerous) and Dog Day Afternoon, the movie, and Candy Darling, the person, and Gossip Girl, the show—a book I reference as similar in the pitch for my first book before I delete it (the pitch, I mean; the book I “had to write so I could write the rest” but after I am done writing and editing it I destroy it multiple times, i.e., I delete all digital copies and drafts, among other things, until the only copies left are on paper, loose and scrawled all over, and in a bag I take with me almost everywhere I go because I have this whim that I will need it someday for something even though I know I will never publish it or show it to anyone, and I am trying to learn to trust my whims) is Charlie Markbreiter’s Gossip Girl Fanfiction Novella, which when I find out about it I don’t have enough money to buy it but its mere existence almost makes me cry, because my entire life I thought I was crazy because I would take random bits of detritus from life and the world, in print, and turn them into fanfictional fabulations and queered/transed reclamations, and I have only recently found a way to turn this into something productive when I start working in the medium of hybrid/autofiction but now I realize, no, I’m not crazy, I’m just an artist/poet, and also trans, and that, of course, I learn this in my 30's as I am transitioning instead of as an adolescent/adult, when I wish I had had the language and resources to transition, or as a child, when I really wish I had had the language and resources to transition, and Kay Gabriel is one of the co-editors of the book on radical trans poetics so I buy it and when I take the book to the counter, ultra-paranoid about how I will be treated (I am already looking more femme than I have my entire life, and I notice later I am wearing a shirt that accentuates my breasts and highlights my nipples—I joke, over the last few years, that I get fat so that my boobs will get bigger, and later I realize this is not a joke at all—and I do not want to be hate-crimed at a fucking bookstore, this is how fucking ultra-paranoid I always am when I am in public—who am I kidding, I am equally ultra-paranoid at home, too—even though I still pass pretty hard as cis/male—albeit a faggy, mildly androgynous cis male—and the beard doesn’t help but when I try shaving it off I feel super dysphoric because I like my beard and I don’t want to lose it, though when I try shaving my arms—technically just the left one, to start with—I feel a flood of gender euphoria except that then I realize I can’t wear short-sleeves in front of the few family members I see regularly because they will ask questions and I am not ready for the questions they will be asking me oh-so-often, soon) the cashier not only doesn’t treat me weird but also they refer to me as “they” when they pass me off to another employee who can help me put in a special order for the collected works of Tennessee Williams and this is the most gender-affirming moment of my entire life thus far (even though technically I use she/her pronouns) and I almost cry right there in the bookstore (not really, I am still too nervous while in public interacting with strangers to feel any emotion except fear; I cry later, at home, reading Cam Awkward-Rich’s “Everywhere We Look, There We Are” because my entire life I thought I was crazy because I would take random bits of detritus from life and the world, in print, and chop them up and rearrange them like fucking anagrams and I have only recently found a way to turn this into something productive when I start working in the medium of collage/assemblage but now I realize, no, I’m not crazy, I’m just an artist/poet, and also trans, and also not really re:the crying because I don’t cry at this point either but I know I’m going to cry about it, I am waiting to cry about it, I want bigger breasts and a vagina and I think I will probably cry after I get those things—are those even “things” that one really “gets,” words often fail me here, and by “words,” I mean colonial conceptions of gender/identity—and I mean, if that can’t make a girl cry then call me Ariana Grande because apparently I too have no tears left to cry) and that is why I want to work at your bookstore. My expectations are that I will come in and do what you tell me and get paid for it.

On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the luckiest, how lucky do you consider yourself to be in life?

10. 10. Tens across the board.

What is the most important thing you look for in a job?

For in-person work, a workplace that a mass shooter is not likely to target, and with enough entrances and exits to allow for easy escape, or enough good hiding places so that everyone inside at any given time can find a good hiding place so no one has to die (can you imagine a mass shooter walking into a place and everyone hiding so well that they literally just walk around and then leave because they, like, assume everyone’s on break or something, lol, lol, please for the love of God fucking lol with me before we both start crying)

How do you handle conflict? Describe a recent experience that was negative. How did you deal with that situation? What would you do differently?

[REDACTED]. I deal with it very badly. Nevertheless, please do not pity the sad, confused trans writer re:[REDACTED]; please do not pity me for anything on this application. Job applications, like works of art, are not for exploiting or profiting off of one’s (sob) story. Trans people are quite capable of hurting others—“We’re just like them!”—and it is not—it is never—that I hurt someone “when I was cis,” I have always been trans and when I hurt people in the past I was trans when I hurt them even if I didn’t know I was trans yet. What I would do differently is [REDACTED], or [REDACTED], either would be better than how things played out.

What are some of the things your last employer could have done to be more successful?

Not have used racial slurs. Not have embarked on racist rants. Not have been an alt-right troll with a Stanford degree and enough marginalizations to guarantee no one in his inner circle would ever question him. Not have made people cry by yelling at them.

What are some of the things your last employer could have done to keep you?

See previous answer

What three adjectives would your past employers use to describe you?

Trouble (sorry, I know that’s a noun, but you see what I mean???), thoughtful, creative

What was the last book you read? What books or other products we carry would you recommend?

The last book I read from cover to cover was Heroes by Franco Berardi although it has been, like, five years since I’ve read a book from cover to cover and even Heroes I think I technically skipped at least one or two chapters of (I didn’t read it in order, I read like a few pages or a chapter every few months for, like, five years, because it is so fucking intense of a book, although I do read the last few pages, like, fifty times over the course of those five years). No one should ever feel obligated to read a book cover to cover, or really to read books at all. Books I would recommend include [REDACTED] by [REDACTED] (also referred to, sometimes, I think, as [REDACTED]), but technically that’s a zine, [REDACTED] by [REDACTED] (or anything directed by [REDACTED], I think), but technically that’s a movie, and the titular track on the [REDACTED] soundtrack by [REDACTED] that is mostly just [REDACTED] saying some of the lines from the show, although technically that’s a song slash spoken word track. Any of these are better than any book or novel I’ve ever read or encountered. Other products you carry that I would recommend include the overpriced blueberry mocktail I have to buy in order to be allowed to sit in the bar in the bookstore when I go there to write, which I only do twice, which is, like, $20 I could have spent on books, so, like, maybe rethink the whole “replacing the space that used to be public seating, for customers to sit in and read, with a bar with lots of seating that no one is allowed to sit in except for the, like, three hours a day every other day that the bar is actively staffed” situation.

What kind of work environment do you thrive in? What kind of work environment are you uncomfortable with?

Thrive: one where I am paid. Uncomfortable: one with (cis) white people who don’t know when to not to try to befriend non-cis/non-white people.

What would you do if you witnessed a fellow employee stealing?

If it was more than ten dollars, I would tell them to be more careful, or offer to spot them next time and/or actively distract our supervisor(s), especially if they are after something significantly more valuable. Also, the inclusion of this question on the application (for a fucking bookstore, I mean, c’mon, you should be begging people to steal, at least it would mean people are fucking reading) is why I decide to turn this into a story (or poem, or hybrid, or creative nonfiction, or whatever) instead of actually applying, so, like, maybe another thing to rethink, but then obviously what the fuck do I know.

High school:

[REDACTED]

School City, State:

[REDACTED]

Did you graduate:

Yes

Grade Point Average:

3.6

Last Year Completed:

12

Courses you liked best:

Intro to Film Studies, Intro to Videotechnology, DNA Science I, Intro to Computer Science, Intro to Psychology, Intro to Photography—my teacher was a gross pervy skeeze but it was the class in which I learned how to compose a photograph, which is probably the most useful thing artists can learn how to do, other than go to therapy, or honestly assess the power(s) they have and take, and the damage(s) they probably relatedly do

Extra Activities/Honors:

[REDACTED AF]

College:

[REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED]

Full Time/Part Time:

Depends on which [REDACTED] you’re asking about

School City, State:

[REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED]

Degree Received:

None

Grade Point Average:

3.6

Last Year Completed:

SR

Major/Minor Courses:

History, Economics, Political Science, Political Economy, Sociology, Psychology, Ethnic Studies, Gender and Women’s Studies, LGBTQ Studies, Middle Eastern Studies, Eastern European Studies, African American Studies, Chicano/Chicana Studies (I imagine they use Chicanx now, but who knows, I’ve always liked Xicanx, but, like, you know, “Chicanismo” is a real hot mess, or whatever, so who cares), Mexican/Latin American Studies (I imagine they use Latinx now, but who knows, I’ve always liked Latine, but, like, you know, “Latinidad” is a real hot mess, or whatever, so who cares), Asian American Studies, Native American Studies, Computer Science, Math, Biology, Physics, Cognitive Science, Journalism, Media Studies, Film Studies, Theatre/Performance Studies, English, Russian, French, Spanish, Rhetoric, Comparative Literature, Studio Art, Science, Technology, and Society (STS) Studies, Peace and Conflict Studies, Environmental Studies, Geography, Urban Studies, Architecture, Legal Studies, Business, Music

Extra Activities/Honors:

I signed an NDA, sorry

What plans do you have for continuing your education?

Making more art, looking at more art, more therapy, lots more therapy, pretty much all the therapy I can find/afford

Employment History:

[A bunch of questions for which the answers are all n/a]

In the early days, before your home is broken, you hardly notice me. It was better to not be noticed. It is better to not be noticed. (You do know me from somewhere.) If you’re noticed, then you’re known, and soon then you’ll be loved. To be loved is a calamity for someone with my job. I have work to do. Work. Work makes love impossible. Work will try to see the words before it’s finished.

What is your job (work will ask it)?

And you will ask:

“What is my job?”

References:

n/a

Hours of Availability:

Literally any day, any time

In connection with your Application for Employment, or if hired, at any time during your employment, we may conduct an investigation seeking information about you and your background.

Okay.

I certify that answers given herein are true and complete to the best of my knowledge. I authorize investigation of all my statements contained within this application for employment as may be necessary in arriving at an employment decision. I hereby understand and acknowledge that, any employment relationship with this organization is of an “at will” nature, which means the Employee may resign at any time and the Employer may discharge Employee at any time with or without cause. It is further understood that this “at will” employment relationship may not be changed by any written document or by conduct. Only the President of this organization has the authority to enter into an agreement for employment for any specified period of time which is binding only if it is in writing and signed by the President (President??? President of what?! Oh, fucking, like, President of “this organization,” I see that above now, sorry, I’m, like, skimming the shit out of this part). In the event of employment, I understand that false or misleading information given in my application or interview may result in discharge. I also understand that I am required to abide by all rules and regulations of the employer.

Fine.

Signature:

Erica Rivera

Date:

January 28, 2023

This company reserves the right to conduct pre-employment and employment drug testing for illegal drugs. Qualified applicants receive consideration for employment without discrimination based on age, disability, genetic information, sexual orientation, national origin, pregnancy, race, ancestry, perceived pregnancy, color, marital status, medical condition, religion, gender, gender identity, citizenship, breastfeeding, medical conditions related to breastfeeding, or any other characteristic protected by state or federal law.

Sure.