Erica Rivera

length: 604 words

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01:13:07.801 —> 01:13:11.180 Over the years, my relationship with Erica has evolved.

01:13:11.638 —> 01:13:14.056 River America, without the “m.”

01:13:15.141 —> 01:13:17.185 Is that silly?

01:13:19.395 —> 01:13:24.693 I’ve seen so many people put her on a pedestal, and I realize I’ve been doing the same thing.

01:13:25.735 —> 01:13:28.071 But these days, I find myself pushing back.

01:13:28.488 —> 01:13:30.865 Come here and give me a hand.

01:13:31.283 —> 01:13:34.495 Erica is so good at subtly directing conversations.

01:13:36.288 —> 01:13:39.500 She deflects the difficult questions and puts a positive spin on everything.

01:13:41.543 —> 01:13:43.545 It’s starting to drive me crazy.

01:13:45.546 —> 01:13:48.800 Were there ever times where you’ve felt regret about transitioning?

01:13:50.010 —> 01:13:52.888 I don't think I've ever felt regret about what,

01:13:53.055 —> 01:13:55.473 what happened to me after transitioning or what my life...

01:13:56.141 —> 01:14:00.228 became after transitioning, what I did or didn’t do after that.

01:14:03.106 —> 01:14:09.195 I always thought of my transition as an opportunity to create good from bad.

01:14:11.030 —> 01:14:12.281 Always?

01:14:12.283 —> 01:14:16.870 You use the word frustration, and I think you...

01:14:20.123 —> 01:14:26.630 that sort of provides a sort of framework for the questions you’ve been asking.

01:14:28.048 —> 01:14:32.010 And frustration is not one of the things that I’ve felt since transitioning.

01:14:32.718 —> 01:14:37.933 I would never describe my transition as making me frustrated at any point.

01:14:41.686 —> 01:14:45.606 I guess I’m trying to find, like, some kind of connection to you.

01:14:46.566 —> 01:14:51.863 You’re so confident about your positions and your ideas.

01:14:52.155 —> 01:14:57.743 Well, you know, if I had undertaken the challenges that other people have undertaken,

01:14:57.745 —> 01:15:01.998 if I had decided to become a leader, for example, which you have decided to become,

01:15:03.333 —> 01:15:06.336 I could imagine a lot of frustrations.

01:15:06.338 —> 01:15:08.796 So in that sense,

01:15:10.798 —> 01:15:14.595 I’ve lived more the life of a follower than of a leader.

01:15:16.221 —> 01:15:20.225 I can’t relate to someone who doesn’t doubt themselves is what I’m saying.

01:15:20.600 —> 01:15:24.103 Or question, you know... “Did I ever make a mistake being so radically transparent?”

01:15:24.105 —> 01:15:27.941 Because your whole thing about radical transparency

01:15:28.108 —> 01:15:31.278 should require, like, more of a visible struggle.

01:15:36.616 —> 01:15:39.786 Well, I think probably...

01:15:44.498 —> 01:15:47.293 That’s a, that’s a criticism

01:15:49.630 —> 01:15:53.591 that I should be making of myself, that...

01:15:55.926 —> 01:16:01.433 that I should be talking so much about transparency and not embodying it.

01:16:01.933 —> 01:16:07.313 I think this encounter will, will be with me for quite a while.

01:16:08.023 —> 01:16:14.570 I’ll have to sort of internalize it and see what it, what it means to me.

01:16:14.571 —> 01:16:20.701 You know, it has to be incorporated into who I am and my trajectory.

01:16:21.578 —> 01:16:25.456 And that will probably happen because I, I’m pretty good at that.